I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
