I'm lost and stupid without you.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
