No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize