There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
