is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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