Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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