my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
