It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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