i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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