I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
