omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
