i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
