history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
