sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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