You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
