What did we do last night that was yellow?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
