is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
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thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
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I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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