is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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