I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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