I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
