just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
