About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
