I accidentally had phone sex last night
I hate all girls vehemently.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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