Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
