is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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