I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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