I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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