I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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