Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
