Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
