you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
