I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
