having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Randomize