please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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