Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
