He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
