im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
