I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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