i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Semen is not good for contacts.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
