Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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