Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
