I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
