so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
