I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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