Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
