oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
