apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
