I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
