his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We have started to decorate penises.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
