How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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