Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
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They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
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It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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