Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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