great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
