i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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