If i come over, it means nothing
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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