we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
