You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
