I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
