We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
