I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
