Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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