i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
