____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
