Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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