im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
