i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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