I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
