Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
