i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
