i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
my poor anus
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
