Soap is not a condiment
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
