You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize