My sheets look like a crime scene.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Send help, water and tortillas.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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