Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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