and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Did I show you my penis last night?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
