Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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