I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
