Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
