Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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