So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
