Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
