I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
